By Kellen Lounsbury
Sometimes when we are left in the dark and have no idea if we are free-falling or drowning, it’s hard to have hope for anything. More often than not, we tend to see the negative in things. This is one way that the brain aims to help us understand and defend ourselves, but also being in a defensive state for so long creates a loss of hope, and this is where doubt settles in.
When we doubt, we tend to think that all hope is at a loss and that we should just go with the process and accept defeat.
What is self-defeating?
Self-defeating is the process in which a person works against themselves, this typically happens when our self-esteem gets damaged and doubt works it’s way into our minds. This can happen for several reasons.
When we constantly tear ourselves down, it keeps us in a place that chains us to our past. The last thing that we need to do is add weight to our shoulders when we are attempting to stand back up and channel our strengths.
How can it affect you?
The process of self-defeating can be incredibly complex from person to person. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. It can come in various ways such as negative self-talk, doubt, self-harm, and even the contemplation of suicide.
When someone self-defeats it’s not just a loss of hope, but also the subtle acceptance of the doubt. Don’t let this doubt saturate your mind, it will work against you and present a falsified version of reality, one that is only focused on the worst aspects of your situation.
Ego v.s. Confidence
It is important to realize that while we are emotional creatures, we are also creatures that want to be understood. Perhaps self-defeating is a way of us trying to further understand ourselves and our situations.
It is a common belief that ego is merely a grandiose sense of self-caught in a delusional rift. Though we have to remember that the ego has many ways of influencing a person’s nature, and sometimes the ego can be an inflated version of doubt.
Take back your mind from its vices. We are truly remarkable creatures that have ways of making sense of situations and problem solving our ways through them. Sometimes introspect comes from merely taking the steps in the right direction. It does not always have to be about the end result or the erasing of the negative struggles, but sometimes just working our way through them as a way to find more of who we are.
Be confident in who you are, and know what you stand for. Everyone has confidence, but typically we don’t express it unless we have a reason too. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to be confident in yourself or your ability, know that you are able and express who you are.
Remember that apart of confidence is not just expressing it but also knowing that even when our mind becomes clouded, that you remind yourself who you truly are and what you stand for.
We all have moments where we feel that we are at a low, or where we are not at our best. Having moments that make us uncomfortable also provides the opportunity to learn, grow, and discover ourselves through the process. It’s important to not define yourself merely by your best highlights, but by who you are throughout the process.
Ways to combat self-defeating?
The next time that you find yourself defeating your cause, remember that no matter how much pain you are in right now, this moment will pass. There will be a moment where you will look back on all of this and understand it with fresh eyes and a stronger mind.
Sometimes when we can see from outside ourselves and our current conditions, we can see things clearly but also understand why those emotions came to our minds and hearts in the first place.
